This message was given at First Congregational Church of Lake Worth, friend and Pastor Jason Fairbanks was out of town and gave me the opportunity to cover Sunday morning todos at his congregation, a most excellent group there.  The message is a reflection on the text from Luke 14:1,7-14.  Enjoy!

Show of hands, who here has ever planned a wedding reception? Or at least been married and played a role in planning your reception? Many of you, right? Weddings, and the receptions that follow them, are part of the fabric of our culture. It’s been fifteen years since my wife and I planned ours, tho after chatting the other day about our planning the memories came rushing back. As the host, for the big day, you want things to go just so. Thus all that planning.

For our reception first there was the booking of the site. We wondered, would our guests be willing to drive from the church we married in, in Michigan City Indiana, for half an hour to the reception site, in Valparaiso? We didn’t know, and nervously booked the room hoping they would. Most, but not all, of our guests did. Then there was the task of selecting food. For hors d’oeuvres would a tray of cheeses and a tray of fruit do it, or did we need to add a veggie tray too? For the meal were two options ok, or did we need three? And did any of our guests need a vegetarian option? Then there was the music. We ended up having a Jazz trio during hors d’oeuvres and the meal, and then had a DJ after that so everyone that wanted to could dance the night away.

A big decision, at least for us, was whether to have, or not to have, an open bar. Financially, that’s no small thing. After some debate with my now-wife, and some shuffling around of our wedding budget, we decided to go with an open bar. Reflecting back on that night, and considering our friends and family, at least many of them, that ended up being a very good call.

And then there’s the important task of assigning guests to tables. At least that’s how we did it for our wedding. But before you can assign people to tables you have to hone in on who plans to attend. Who’s RSVPed, who hasn’t, who needs to be bugged, again, and again, and again, for their answer. My wife and I reminisced about putting all our guest names in an Excel spreadsheet and trying to figure all this out with precision.

The task started out simply enough, initially we aspired to assign tables based on who would get along together and who wouldn’t. After that initial sort we found ourselves considering all sorts of other criteria, and asked ourselves all kinds of questions, all designed to yield, we hoped, the optimal table assignments for everyone. We asked questions like who did we think would dance? They should be near the dance floor. And who did we think would leave first? Perhaps they should go closest to the exit doors. And – this is a fairly important one – who among our guests had temperamental bladders? They, of course, should be seated closest to the bathroom. It was our attempt at making a perfect, wedding utopia.

Assigned Seating
In speaking with my wife about our wedding reception, which ended up being super fun and memorable, we couldn’t remember any overly large drama when it came to seating assignments, at least as far as we know. But that isn’t always the case.

To help prepare this message I asked Facebook friends to think about the wedding receptions they’d organized and to share stories about how people were assigned to tables, and how it all worked out, be it good, bad, or ugly. And share they did, within a few hours of posting on Facebook I was knee deep in anecdotes, some of them insightful, others just plain funny. Here’s just a small sampling of wedding reception seating stories that people shared.

Friend Mary remembers that her son was not too good with RSVP’ing for weddings when he was in his 20s. Once, he showed up at a reception, after driving for three hours, without an RSVP. This wedding reception also assigned guests to tables, and there was no place for him. The bride’s family, not wanting to turn him away, squeezed him in at the back table with the band. And even tho he was seated at what some might consider a lower ranking table it turns out he had a pretty good time. Last summer, when her son had his own wedding to plan, and needed to assign guests to tables, Mary tells me he finally understood the purpose of sending in that RSVP. Lesson learned.

And while not quite a wedding, seminary friend Sara describes a high end diplomatic function she went to in Eastern Europe once, where her American boss, who was aiming to impress, selected three ‘low number tables’ for colleagues and families to sit at. But the organizers of this function didn’t do things the way Americans do – low table numbers at our events are often for the important people. Table 1 is the wedding party, that kind of thing.

Instead, the tables were numbered somewhat randomly, and those low number tables had no special meaning. Even worse, it turned out that tables one, two and three were right next to floor-to-ceiling, loud, humongous audio speakers. All that effort to select what was assumed to be the best seats in the house, Sara tells me, and they ended up at tables where they couldn’t even hear themselves speak. She describes that night, and that experience, as embarrassingly awful.

College buddies Joel and Kate recall accidentally placing a vegan couple with the daughter of a chicken farmer.  You can almost imagine what kind of conversations they had.

Unassigned Seating
But not all wedding receptions have assigned seating. Shari remembers going to a wedding reception, without assigned seats, when her youngest daughter got married. The reception was the first mandatory post-divorce gathering she’d had with her ex. She watched, and chuckled a little, as her ex’s family all clamored for the best seats at the reception. Meanwhile, Shari and her husband walked around visiting guests and enjoying the company of friends. Her ex and their family got their seats of honor, she remembers, but were surrounded by others who also mostly cared about snagging those special seats. She on the other hand, had the freedom to enjoy the company of the entire room, seeing many friends and neighbors she hadn’t seen in years. Let them have the seat she concludes, freedom to travel is so much richer.

Friend Nicole chose not to do seating arrangements for her wedding, including not having assigned seats for herself and her husband. She figured if her own guests wouldn’t let her sit, well, then they shouldn’t be at the wedding anyways. And, what do you know, when the newly married couple arrived at the reception they found themselves without a seat, at least until some friends got up so they could sit down. But that didn’t end up mattering much, Nicole tells me, because mostly she and her husband, that special evening just danced and danced and danced.

So what do you make of all these wedding reception stories of who sits where on the big day? Thinking on this some it almost seems like there’s a certain social order we tend to be drawing from, or at least our own personal versions of a social order. As hosts we draw on this assumed order when assigning guests to tables. As guests, when we get to pick where we sit, there’s a decision to make – do we try and snag those primo spots, or just sit wherever and enjoy the festivities? Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Scriptural Seating
Two thousand years ago many people of Jesus’ time placed a similar value on where they sat for wedding receptions. The gathering Jesus found himself at in our gospel reading also did not have assigned seats. And, while scripture doesn’t specify, I’d wager that the wedding that’s described didn’t use RSVPs either. But, similar to modern-day receptions, ancient reception-goers also loved to vie for the best seats in the house.
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Palestinian wedding feasts in biblical times often featured couches where guests would recline, with the center couch being the place of honor. Similar to our weddings, the host got to pick who sits where. The center couch went to the social elite, according to their wealth, power or office.

Jesus, at this gathering noticed people coming in and choosing the places of honor, and told a parable about going to a wedding reception. “Don’t sit down in the best spots, in case someone more distinguished than you arrives,” he says. Why not? Well, because then the host may come to both of you and say hey, give this person your place. That sounds like an incredibly uncomfortable social situation, at best.

It reminds me of stunts I’ve tried to pull in airplanes at times, and this is a bit of a confession. Every so often, when stuck in the middle airplane seat on a long flight, I’ll try to casually get up and slide into another open seat, hoping to go largely unnoticed. Those aisle seats are the best, they really are. But then, on occasion, the person holding the ticket for the seat I just plopped into arrives. Oops! That seat wasn’t ever mine to begin with, and now I’ve got to sheepishly get out of that great aisle seat, lower my head in shame, and head back to the middle seat I really didn’t want in the first place. I hate it when that happens.

This moment, of embarrassment, of shame, of being put in my rightful place, which sometimes really is the middle airplane seat, is exactly what Jesus is trying to help us avoid. And really, that middle seat entitles me to those same crappy airline pretzels anyways, what was I thinking trying to pull this stunt?

Instead, Jesus offers us this: sit at the lowest place, so that when the host comes, they may say, friend, move up higher, and you will be honored. Keeping with our airplane seating shenanigans, that’d be like choosing to sit in the back row of the plane, picking that middle seat, you know, the one near the bathroom, and hoping, really hoping, a flight attendant will come up and offer you a spot in first class. That, my friends, this alternate way to live into the world around us that Jesus suggests, is radical, radical thinking.

Jesus concludes the parable by saying that all who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. In a way, this passage is the biblical doppelganger to the parable of the laborers, in the vineyard, of Matthew, chapter 20. In that passage Jesus concludes that the last shall be first, and the first shall be last. This kingdom he keeps referring to, one that humbles the exalted, exalts the humbled, puts the last first and the first last, it’s so very different than what we’re used to. In our culture it’s all about number one, and looking out for number one, a notion that Jesus time and time again turns on its head.

Pay It Forward
But Jesus wasn’t quite done with teaching at this wedding reception just yet. Next he turned to the host that had invited him, saying, “when you host a meal, do not invite your friends, or relatives or rich neighbors, in case they may invite you in return. With that guest list, you would be repaid. Instead, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind. And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you, for you will be repaid in heaven.”
This concept, of doing something for others that can’t possibly be repaid, is the central theme of the movie Pay It Forward that came out in 2000. To give you a sense of what this film is about I’d like to play the trailer for the movie.

“Is it possible for one idea to change the world?” this trailer asks. Is it? In the movie, the boy, played by actor Haley Joel Osment, has an idea for a 7th grade social studies project. His idea is simple, help three people, who in turn help three others, and so on, but there’s a catch: the help has to be something really big. Something the person you’re helping can’t do by themselves.

We watch as an unemployed reporter witnesses his car being totaled. Within seconds, out of nowhere, a lawyer walks up and gives him a brand new Jaguar. Trying to figure out what this is all about the reporter tracks this pay-it-forward movement, and from that learns:

• The lawyer’s daughter, suffering horribly from an asthma attack, was helped earlier by a gang member. The gang member had given up his place in line in the Emergency Room, even though he was bleeding from a gunshot wound.
• The gang member was helped earlier by a homeless woman. This homeless woman helped him escape being arrested by the police.
• The homeless woman had been helped earlier by her daughter. The daughter had sought out her mom in an effort to reconnect with her grandson.
• And finally, the daughter, played by Helen Hunt, was helped by her son, the seventh grader that came up with the idea in the first place. What did he do? As part of his efforts to begin to pay it forward, indirectly, he’d helped mom get back on the road to recovery from a nasty addiction to alcohol.

Kingdom Seating
What if this idea, of helping others that can’t possibly repay you, what if that, as Jesus tells us, is the key to being blessed in the here and in the hereafter? When we volunteer at the homeless shelter, we pay it forward, to those many in society deem as less than. When we tutor a child, on our own time, without pay, because we feel called to give back, we model Christ, letting the children come to us to be blessed. When we give to aid organizations, to help people halfway across the globe – people that we’ll likely never meet – again, we help to pay it forward, and play our part in healing a broken world.

In these moments, when we help others, without any expectation of being repaid, and without regard to age, gender, race, ethnicity, nationality, orientation, social status or creed; we invite them all to the grand reception Jesus describes. Perhaps in these moments, where all are not just welcome, but all are present, and are cared for, all have a seat at Christ’s table, perhaps in these moments we catch a glimpse of the kingdom of God that is to come. And perhaps, in these moments, we bring that kingdom a little closer to earth, in the here and in the now. May it be so.  AMEN.

My final message during internship, given at Holy Spirit Lutheran on August 7.  

How do you say goodbye to someone you love? Five days ago, on Tuesday morning, I spent three hours sitting in front of my laptop, searching for a theme, an angle, a metaphor, anything, to help pull together what, for me, and hopefully for at least some of you, has been quite a year.

And after those three hours of internet searches, coupled with more than one glance to the heavens, trying to find that magic elixir that would pull together this message I had nothing. Zilch. Nada. Nothing. Feeling frustrated I headed to lunch. On the drive over to the local Subway it hit me, this question, I mean really, how *do* you say goodbye to someone you love? The message this morning is an attempt to do just that. No guarantees. I still haven’t figured this out yet, and never may.

You’d think I’d be better at this. One year ago, almost to the day, on August 9, 2015, I said goodbye to my home congregation of five years, St. Michael Lutheran in Wellington. That, too, was hard. And, kind of surprisingly, it doesn’t make this goodbye, after only one year with you, any easier.

We knew, you and I, that our time together had a certain starting and ending point. That’s how internship goes, it’s usually a one year gig. Yet that knowledge, that certainty, that hope of closure hasn’t made it any easier for me to get my head around. Perhaps you feel similarly.

It would have been so much simpler if this year had been rather ho-hum. I could have said bah, the year is done, I’ve paid my dues, now it’s to move on to bigger and better things. And it would have been *really* easy if it’d been a truly awful year, filled with strife and conflict and unmet hopes. In that parallel universe I could have simply thrown my hands in the air and said GOOD RIDDANCE! Thank goodness that awful mess of a year is done.
But our time together has been none of that. It hasn’t been ho-hum. It hasn’t been awful. It’s been, well, fairly amazing to me. And met or exceeded my wildest dreams. All that is to say, this fairly amazing year has made this goodbye, to someone I love, you, the people of Holy Spirit Lutheran, really, really difficult.

Favorite Goodbyes
So, with this starting point, of the difficulty of saying goodbye, I went back to the internet, in hopes of finding how other wiser, smarter people have said their goodbyes. After reading over 300 goodbye quotes from the interwebs– the first link had 229 of them – I found a couple that spoke to me, that in some way describe this goodbye, between you and I.

“Why can’t we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn’t work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos.” ~Charles M. Schulz

“Promise me you’ll never forget me because if I thought you would I’d never leave.” ~A.A. Milne (of Winnie the Pooh fame)

Scriptural Goodbyes
After hitting the internet, still trying to figure out how to say goodbye, next I headed back in time, to search ancient scripture, to see if there were clues there on how best to do this. If there is any mere mortal in scripture that figured out how to say goodbye well it has to be the Apostle Paul. He wrote up to thirteen of the letters of the New Testament, and each one of them was to a community he’d either lived and worshiped with or hoped to visit soon. These were communities he knew, wanted the best for, and loved. My personal favorite goodbye from Paul’s letters is at the end of 1 Thessalonians chapter 5, we heard that text read earlier. In this goodbye Paul encourages; he gives us seven tips, phenomenal advice on how to live the good life – the Christian version of the good life.

First Paul implores us to rejoice always. We rejoice here on Sunday mornings in our worship, it’s great. Let me encourage you to take this rejoicing with you, to your homes, your work, your play. In all things you do, rejoice. Next, pray without ceasing. This seems almost impossible, but in the message I gave six weeks ago you heard one way, to do just that, by using an evening prayer, the Daily Examen. Give thanks in all circumstances, Paul suggests. That was a central theme from the sermon series you heard this past month from Pastors Frank and Steve. What do you do when you’ve done all you can, and life is not turning out how you’d hoped? As crazy as it seems scripture is clear: give thanks in those moments too.

Fourth, do not quench the Spirit. We covered this, together, you and I, recently as well, just last month. When the Holy Spirit calls you to the dance floor, and asks you to put aside selfish ambition, to set aside your need for control, and instead let her take the lead, the next part is easy: simply Shut Up and Dance.

Do not despise the words of the prophets, Paul continues, but test everything. This is a tricky one. Perhaps that suggests we should be open to new voices, new outreach, new places the Holy Spirit is asking us to go. You do this well, continue to seek this newness out. Finally, hold fast to what is good; abstain from every form of evil, Paul concludes. Deep down we know, what our faith deems good, and what evil lies in wait to keep us from this goodness. Hold fast to this goodness. And celebrate the Christian version of the good life that comes with it.

Reflecting on the Past
So we’ve heard about goodbyes from the Apostle Paul, even Charlie Brown and Winnie the Pooh, but you may be asking yourself, that’s all well and good, but how do you, Pastor Ryan, say goodbye?

One way is with stories, to reflect on our time together. Internship is all about learning, at least ideally; here are four things I learned these past twelve months.

(1) Try on costumes early. (And really, what is it with having your intern wear so many costumes? While here I’ve been an Easter bunny, a Thing, Batman, and was even asked by Pastor Frank to strip and change wardrobe right up here, in front, one Sunday morning). This was a rather unfortunate learning, to try on costumes early, tho certainly an important one. This Spring the Pre-school held a snuggle up to reading event and invited the Pastors to serve as guest readers. Cool, I remember thinking, this will be fun. Even better we were encouraged to wear a costume if we fancied. Before I knew it Maureen Lay produced a Dr. Seuss Thing 2 costume her daughter Olivia wore for Halloween the year before. It was a size medium, which isn’t too far from my current size large frame, so I *assumed* that would be just fine.

What I didn’t realize was this was not a men’s size adult costume. Was it sized for women? Or for youth? I don’t know. What I do know, is that, when I first tried it on, all of 10 minutes before reading time, well, it barely fit. And showed various folds, nooks and crannies that most days are not something I typically display in public. The show went on, of course, and there were more than a few chuckles, perhaps even a gasp or two. My hope is any photos or videos from that evening have been properly disposed of. And if not? Well, that’s probably good blackmail material. Lesson learned, try on costumes early.

(2) The Holy Spirit really does hover over the water.  And no, we’re not talking about when Pastor Frank had me hover over the dunk tank water while your children threw balls at a target to, well, dunk me, tho that happened this year too. I experienced this Holy Spirit hover, right over the water, with many of you, on the Juno Beach Pier, first during the Christmas Eve Eve service, and then during two Easter Sunrise services. What an amazing experience it is to celebrate the birth of Christ and then later his resurrection, right there hovering over the Atlantic Ocean, among God’s creation of sea, sand, and sky. Among sunsets and sunrise we worshipped, together, celebrating all Christ did and continues to do for us. These pier memories will stick with me for many years to come. You are a truly blessed people to be able to celebrate these moments in such a picturesque setting.

(3) God’s children need care. I knew this before, you know it too, but taking a trip to Haiti this year was a reminder of how important this work we do, in the name of Christ, really is. This Spring I joined Pastor Frank and 10 medical professionals, including our pharmacist Kelly Parra and our dentist, Dr. Chris Ricker, for a weeklong trip. We brought much needed medical and dental skills, equipment and prescription medication too, and while there treated over 700 patients at an area church and school. Each day brought new challenges, new opportunities, new healing. Each evening the team gathered for devotions to reflect on all these moving experiences.

Members and friends of this congregation sponsor 80 children at the Village of Hope school in Haiti. That’s just a huge number for a faith community this size, you’re definitely plugged in to this effort. A highlight of my trip was seeing a mother bring her nonverbal four-year-old daughter to the clinic and request prayer. After praying together the child was seen by one of our doctors for further diagnosis and a referral. That moment, of prayer and medical care, sums up the purpose of these trips: doing what we can to heal one little corner of a broken world, all in the name of Christ.
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(4) Finally, I learned that God is at the bar. Getting the church out of church buildings, and into the community is a passion of mine, and something I was just dying to try in new ways this year. Many of you were interested too, and together we did things like bible studies at a sports bar, and attended offsite gatherings with names like Beer & Carols, Mardi Gras Beer & Hymns, Baseball Beer and Hymns and, finally, Bar Church. We did two of those. To pull any of this off takes a lot of support, faith, and conversation. And then you need musicians to really pull it off in style. So thank you to the pastors, the staff, the council, the dozen musicians that have been involved and all of you for continuing to be open to this; together we shared some success, we created some energy, we had some fun.

But, more importantly, we brought the church to the world in new ways. Over 200 people attended Bar Church last month, a mix of HSLC members, friends, and the bar community from Brewhouse Gallery and the Kelsey Theater. And together, these blended communities did church, singing together, praying together, hearing a message together, supporting a domestic abuse shelter together, taking communion together. Our culture and our faith communities are evolving, and evolving fast. Churches are not part of the fabric of society like they were 50 years ago, or even 20 or 10 years ago. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, for taking risks with me, to reimagine one shape that church could take in the coming years.

Looking to the Future
So what’s next? Tomorrow morning I fly to New Orleans, to be part of the ELCA’s national assembly over the next five days, and learn about the inner workings of our denomination. I’ll also network some, with the goal of landing a great first call congregation; you know, like this one.

This Fall, I’ll be back home, in Loxahatchee, which is just west of Wellington, and will take a couple of last classes before graduating with a Master’s in Divinity in December. I hope to preach once a month or so in other local congregations. I also plan to visit other faith communities, to try and glean new ministry ideas that could come in handy in the future.

And then there’s September 28. That’s the day the ELCA refers to as “Fall Assignment.” I’ve submitted paperwork on types of faith communities and geographies our family feels called to. Congregations looking for a first call pastor fill out paperwork too. And then a group of 40 people that includes Bishops, regional and seminary representatives, and people from the national church get together and review this paperwork, gathering on September 28, and assign graduating seminarians to one of 65 synods in the US.

Kathi and I hope to land at a larger congregation that isn’t too rural, so we could literally end up anywhere in the country. Which is both exhilarating and terrifying. Once you’re assigned to a synod the Bishop connects you with a congregation and interviews begin. And then there’s call committees, councils and congregational votes, all those exciting steps this congregation went through last Fall to call Pastor Steve. This first call, wherever it is, could start as early as January 2017. Our family will take any and all prayers about this, particularly on September 28. So thank you in advance for that.

So what about your future? Where do things go from here? From what I’ve seen of Holy Spirit Lutheran you’re in for one amazing ride. After a three year search you’ve found an associate pastor, Steve Winsor, he’s super fun to work with. Pastor Frank is amazing, as always, my sense is he’s still got a bit left in the tank, don’t you think? You do amazing ministry here, both locally and internationally, it’s exciting to see how much you impact the world around you. The strategic planning survey, focus groups and retreat weekend led you to four initiatives, that, over time, will enhance your communication, expand your ministries, expand campus building space, and help you transition leadership of many key roles here at HSLC in the coming years. You can be sure Kathi and I look forward to keeping up with you from a distance, by Facebook, email and websites, whether we land nearby or migrate north to some distant land.

Help From My Friends
So how *do* you say goodbye to someone you love? After struggling to answer that this week I’ve decided I can’t. I don’t know how. This year we have done so much together, we have laughed, cried, dined, sang, grieved, communed, talked, travelled, and yes, on occasion, drank together too. We’ve praised our Creator and Savior in the high times and the low, and everywhere in between.

And in those times, somewhere I realized what had happened. In this year you and I became something. We became friends. You and I have become good, good friends. Your friendship, support and love have had a tremendous effect on me; never discount that. You have made this year what it is.

So if it’s ok with you, your intern pastor would like to close with a bit of song from the pulpit, one last time. The song is from the Beatles, you may also know it as the theme song from a 1980s tv show: the Wonder Years. It has indeed been a Wonder Year.

What would you think if I sang out of tune,
Would you stand up and walk out on me.
Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song,
And I’ll try not to sing out of key.

I get by with a little help from my friends,
I get by with a little help from my friends,
Going to try with a little help from my friends.

What do you do when your love is away.
Does it worry you to be alone?
How do you feel by the end of the day
Are you sad because you’re on your own?

No I get by with a little help from my friends,
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends.

To quote pop-culture, super-Lutheran Garrison Keillor, of Prairie Home Companion fame:

Be well,
Do good work,
Keep in touch. Amen.