Category Archives: word

Release

As many of you know, last Sunday we voted to extend a call to our hoped-for next Associate Pastor here at St. John’s. It is an exciting time to be part of this congregation. So much hoped for good news seems near. While there is no formal news to share just yet, plans seem to be coming together nicely for this possible call. Waiting for a formal acceptance of call, for a Pastor, during Advent, a season of waiting, seems, well, apropos.

Two weeks ago, to help us prepare for this hoped for addition to the team, our church treasurer Kathy McIntyre drafted the accompanying call compensation package. This fairly mundane task involves built-in calculations residing in an Excel spreadsheet. Much of which is predefined by Synod guidelines. Kathy asked me to take a quick look at her work, giving one more set of eyes to it before hitting send.

This, plus this, equals that;
That, times a percent sums just so –

Everything seemed just fine.
But then, something popped.

That social security offset?
It needed an update.
I was sure of it.

I picked up the phone to tell Kathy.
Just calculate it from this row, not that.

Are you sure, Pastor Ryan, she asked?

The directions, Kathy continued,
suggest it be done –

that way,
not this.

Oh, I’m sure of it, Kathy.
It’s a quick fix.

Ok…she replied…I’ll update it. In retrospect, she seemingly sounded somewhat unsure.

I was right, wasn’t I?

This is a standard form.
I’ve used it many times.

I must be right.

Beginning to feel a bit unsettled I decided to recheck.
Perhaps, this time, it would help to read the directions.

As Kathy suggested, the directions said the calculation should be done that way, not this. Hmm…

Following directions now, I rechecked, confirming a sneaking suspicion.

My pulse quickened.
A lump in my throat soon formed.

It was pretty clear what I needed to do.
I picked up the phone to call Kathy again.

Hey Kathy!

It’s me again, Pastor Ryan.
You know that calculation?
Apologies, my friend.

I WAS WRONG.

This is my confession 😊.

Wilderness
Our text this second week of Advent begins with the beginning of Mark. It is the beginning of the good new of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. With this opening we are pointed back to the prophetic voice of Isaiah.

A messenger is being sent,
Who will prepare the way.
A voice from the wilderness, saying –
Prepare the way of the Lord!
Make his path straight!

This text serves, too, to introduce us to a New Testament prophet with some Old Testament bona fides.

He was clothed in camel hair.
With a leather belt around his waist.
And he ate locusts and wild honey.

I can’t help but think –

He’s got electric boots, a mohair suit,
You know I read it in a magazine.
B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets.

J-J-J-John the Baptist.

This wild child, cousin to Christ, couldn’t help but stand out in a crowd. He didn’t just stand out. Crowds flocked to him. People came from the countryside, and the big city of Jerusalem. What exactly were they drawn to? What caused them to leave their daily routines, drop everything, and head to the wilderness to meet this man?

Why was it he, who claimed to be unworthy to untie the sandals of his cousin Christ, could cause such a stir?

Release
Perhaps it wasn’t John that they were interested in. Perhaps they needed to let something go. Perhaps they had been holding on to conflict, with a neighbor, friend, relative, coworker, spouse or child. Perhaps, like me, they had been wrong about something. And yes, that does happen with some frequency. Just ask my wife 😊.

Perhaps they needed to confess something.
Perhaps this need to confess had been brewing for some time.

Perhaps they needed to name this conflict and their role in it.
Perhaps they needed to have a difficult conversation, long overdue.
Perhaps their pulse was quick; their feelings of guilt strong.

Perhaps they desired absolution, to receive God’s word of forgiveness, making them whole with God and neighbor once again.

Perhaps.
Perhaps.
Perhaps.

Whatever their reason for being there the people came from near and far. They confessed that which separated them from one another.

Oh, there would be more ahead for the people gathered there that day.

John prepared the way,
John was not the way.

And yet this act of confession and absolution, in the waters of John’s baptism, had done something.

They had been cleansed from that which soiled them.
They had been released from that which held them down.
They had been prepared for he who was soon to come.

Today
Just as John prepared the way for Christ, so too are we called to prepare.

May we too recognize that which separates us from God, from neighbor.
May we too confess what needs confessing.
May we too seek to make amends.

For it is in these cleansing waters of restoration where we find peace.

May we ready –

Our hearts,
Our minds,
Our souls,

Forgiveness is ours for the taking.

Right relationship? It’s just around the bend.

Let us prepare for the divine to dwell among us.
May Christ’s path to us be made straight.

Come, Lord Jesus, come.  Amen.

Invitations

A retelling of Matthew 22:1-10.

Once upon a time there was a king, with a son he very much loved. The king’s son was to be married, with no expense spared. For when a king plans a wedding you know it’s going to be good.

The venue would be grand, the best in all the land. With the resources of an entire kingdom at his disposal, there was no limit on what this day could be.

Weddings of course require invitations, lists must be made. In this way the wedding would be like any other. Family was asked, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, grandkids aplenty. And the friends list? It was a sight to behold. The list was filled with VIPs, people to see and to be seen: kings and queens, princes and princesses, dukes and duchesses, diplomats, rabbis, priests, merchants of means.

List now finalized invitations were sent. The king hoped all invited could attend.

The decorations, clothing, music, drink and food were planned to perfection. A favored son of the kingdom was to be married, and what a banquet it would be. This celebration would be legendary, lore passed down from one generation to the next.

Preparations complete, the king sent messengers out, to let the invited know the joyous celebration would soon begin. Dinner was ready. Oxen and calves and the finest of foods, all there to enjoy. And if the wine happened to run out? No worries, the king joked, my son could whip something up 😉.

But then the strangest thing happened. The invited did not come. The friends and family, the dukes and diplomats, the merchants of means instead chose to stay home. They went about their business like it was any other day. They ignored the gathering entirely, as if it was of no importance at all. And worse? Some mocked the wedding, laughed at the king, mistreated his messengers.

Staring out at an empty banquet hall, with invitation list in hand, the king pictured where each person would have sat. Emotions rushed over him; sadness, disappointment, anger. The day was nothing he had hoped it would be.

The dining, drinking and dancing, so precisely planned, would have to wait.

For without guests, a party simply isn’t.

The king’s soul was crushed. Looking down at the invitation list, filled with no-shows, the king realized something. The system he’d relied on, of who’s invited and who isn’t, had failed him.

The New Plan
The celebration must go on, the king realized. Clearly filling the empty seats would require a different approach. Something must change.

For it was a new day.
Which called for a new way.
A John 3:16 moment, through and through.

The king, a creator at heart, was determined to make something out of nothing. He’d done it before. He’d do it again.

So he sent out his messengers, this time with a different assignment. Invite everyone you meet to the banquet. For this king so loved the whole world. There would be no exceptions. No lists made that exclude.

Not this time.

So the messengers went.
The messengers found.
The messengers invited.

On their journeys the messengers encountered all kinds of people not on that first list.

Some were sick, too ill to celebrate much of anything. Get them the finest doctors, the king declared, the best treatments in the land. Heal them, he said. Send the bill to me. Make sure you invite them too, the king reminded. And when they show up? Let them in.

Some the messengers encountered were hungry, living from meal to meal. That’s easy, the king thought. There’s plenty of food at the banquet. Tell them their stomachs will be filled. And they can take as much as they like home. When they show up open the doors. Let them in.

Looking at the old guest list with new eyes, the king realized entire swaths of people had been left off. We didn’t invite the gays and the lesbians the first time around? The king was embarrassed. They’re fabulous, he thought, the life of any good party. Go find them, invite them, and let them in!

A messenger then came back with some troubling news. The king learned, at the borders of his land, there were people being denied entrance. What? The king’s face became flush. Learning of this injustice he was furious. How did this happen? Invite them to the banquet! Let them in!

And all the others, with lives that definitely mattered, yet weren’t initially invited? Find them, the king said. Tell them of the grand celebration. Make sure they know they are wanted. That we hope and pray they attend. And when they show up? You know what to do, the king told the messengers. Roll out the red carpet. Open the palace doors wide.

Let them in.
Let them in.
Let them in.

The messengers did.
The people came.
A celebration ensued.

Before long the wedding hall was filled with guests, each there to celebrate a favored son. This son was, after all, what drew them together.

For it was then, and only then, that the grand banquet, complete with dining, drinking, dancing, unending joy, unending laughter, could begin.

Hereafter
The kingdom of heaven is like that wedding, Jesus reminds.

Filled with people, filled with surprises. Each person there filled with backstories our fallen human selves might initially judge. Therein lies the beauty of God’s kingdom. It is a judgement free zone, designed for all.

Our own wedding celebrations, by nature, have limits. There are bills to pay, mouths to feed, halls that fit only so many. Yet we recognize that it’s better to celebrate the most special of days without restriction, without limit, without exception.

To successfully marry the earthly and the divine, as has always been the plan, getting the invitation list just so might be toughest part of all.

Fortunately, we don’t have to wait until the heavenly hereafter to experience this grand banquet as originally designed. In fact, we’re called to take part in bringing about this kingdom on earth. Right here. Right now.

Today
We are called to help unify a colorful, eclectic, diverse creation that includes those with, those without. Called to live in perfect harmony with the Creator. All made possible thanks to the life, death, and resurrection of the Son. We are guided daily by the winds of the Spirit, pointing us wherever the Creator leads.

As we have our own grand celebration in the works – our Stewardship Gala on November 3 will be something – it’s worth mention: If you can’t afford to attend no worries. A generous member of St. John’s has offered to cover your cost, because we want all to attend. Just let us know and a ticket, for no charge, is yours. All are welcome, without exception.

As we pray for Israelis and Palestinians in a time of conflict may we be reminded: putting barriers up that separate never ends well. For we are called to invite each other to a shared banquet, at the same table, breaking bread together, drinking from the cup.

Blessed are the Peacemakers, Christ reminds.
For theirs is the kingdom of God.

Until we can sit down at the same table together that peace on earth will elude.

As we look at our own southern border the same is true. To cite President Ronald Regan during an important moment in history, here’s a thought, when it comes to our southern border:

President Biden, tear down this wall!

These walls perpetuate humanitarian crises.
Simply put, that is not of God.

For we are to expand who we invite into the kingdom to include more.

So rip up your lists that separate, fellow messengers.
Head out, tell everyone you find.
Share the good news of a grand celebration.

One we so hope all attend.
And when God’s beloved show up at the palace door,
You know what to do.

Heed the words of the King.

Throw wide the doors. And –

Let them in.
Let them in.
Let them in.

Authority Wins

In October of 1983 John Cougar Mellencamp released his seventh studio album, titled Uh-Huh. The album proved popular, and was later ranked by Rolling Stone as one of the top 40 Greatest Albums of the 80s. Uh-Huh features three Top 20 Billboard hits: Crumblin’ Down, Pink Houses, and the aptly named Authority Song.

This latter song got my attention as a kid – I was 8 years old when it was released – well on my way to being a teenager and the testing of limits. One way I did that in high school was by growing out my hair, mullet style, just like Mr. Mellencamp. That’s business in the front (short) and party in the back (long). And that’s about the only thing I’ve got in common with this hip musician 😊.

Over time Authority Song became a mantra for what it is to grow up in the midst of a rule-based, institutional world. Amid catchy lyrics and zippy guitar riffs it is a downright memorable tune. The chorus goes something like this…

I fight authority, authority always wins.
Well, I fight authority, authority always wins.

The video, released back when MTV actually played music videos, shows what John Cougar is fighting.

In it we watch him in a faux boxing match, duking it out with a professional boxer. There’s no way this skinny crooner is going to win this fight. Right outside the ring, various authorities sit in the front row. There is –

A rich woman, dressed to the nines;
A big business corporate type, smoking a cigar;
A military general, wearing official regalia.

Each seemingly rooting for him to lose.

As the fight continues, Mellencamp reaches out for help, asking this:

So I call up my preacher,
I say: “Gimme strength for Round 5”
He said: “You don’t need no strength,
you need to grow up, son”

It seems John Cougar, in this song at least,  is even fighting the church.

At one point in the video Mellencamp play-boxes with a younger version of himself. As the video ends, fight now over, the boy dusts off his shoulders, kinks his neck, looks back at the row of authorities. The boy then gives them a big cheesy grin and walks away. The message is clear. He doesn’t plan to give up fighting authority any time soon.

Scripture is absolutely filled with tussles surrounding questions of authority. From to one person or group pitted against the next and the next and the next, we constantly find ourselves duking it out with others, skirmishing over who is in charge.

It’s an important question – who exactly is calling the shots?

Keeping with the boxing metaphor, let’s consider how Jesus mixed it up with people bound to keep him down. The gospels contain more rounds than there is time to share here; those other bouts stories for another time.

Round 1
(Matthew 21:12-14)
Jesus arrives in Jerusalem. First stop: the temple. There he sees tables set up. Vendors busily selling their warez. The business types are seemingly everywhere. This angers Jesus enough to take action. He turns the tables on them, drives them out, calls them thieves.

My house is to be a house of prayer, Jesus shares. He then heals the blind and lame, making known this house is where we find healing too.

The religious elites and business-types are furious. Just who does this radical Rabbi think he is! We’re the ones calling the shots! Their wallets threatened – religion and business are in financial cahoots here – they realize something must change. As the bell rings Jesus won this round. But still, there is more to come.

Round 2
(Matthew 21:23-27)

The very next day the religious elites and business-types make their move.

We need to know something Jesus.
We can’t help but ask.

By what authority are you doing these things?
And who gave you this authority?

The goal of their query is simple. They sought to –

Diminish,
Shutdown,
Silence.

If they could back Christ into a corner, they could pummel him into submission. The religious elites and business types were the real authority after all. Right? They were sure of it.

Never shy about answering a question with a question, Jesus turns the tables on them once again, offering two questions of his own:

Did the baptism of John come from heaven?
Or was it of human origin?

Christ’s antagonists argued amongst themselves. If they said heaven, then Jesus was the true authority. Because when John baptized Jesus, they knew the heavens opened and God spoke, saying this is my Son, the Beloved, with whom I am well pleased.

But if they said the baptism was of human origin there was this crowd to think about. The crowd very much thought John a prophet. The religious elites and business-types were afraid of the crowd, afraid of what they might do. This answer was no good either.

Stumped at Christ’s query, the religious elites and business types demurred. We do not know, they replied. Well, if you don’t know, Jesus concludes, I won’t be telling you. Christ had landed the final uppercut right before the bell rang. He had won this round as well. The fight continues.

Round 3
(Matthew 26 and 27)
The religious elites and business types found themselves gripped by fear. They –

Feared loss of power.
Feared loss of wealth.
Feared change.

Most of all they feared being exposed for who they were. Instead of looking out for the widows, the children, the foreigners, the marginalized, the blind, the lame, and those without, Christ made their true motives clear.

They had only been looking out for themselves.

Knowing they must do something, and fast, a plan quickly came together. They formed a new alliance, made up of –

Religious elites,
Business types,
Government.

They were sure that trifecta of power would win the day.

Then, with a –

Bribe,
Garden,
Kiss,

A new plot formed.

Soon it was a –

Denial,
Trial,
Cross.

And that was that. It was a knockout punch. The referee counted to ten. Jesus lay there, on the mat, lifeless. He was bruised, battered, bloodied. Human authority, it seems, had won. The final bell, as far as anyone could tell, had rung.

Round 4?
(Matthew 28)

Wait, isn’t this fight over? As an Easter people we know better.

With –

One gardener,
Two Mary’s,
Three days,

There was revelation.
Jesus was back, baby.

He is risen!
He is risen indeed!
Alleluia!

Clues had been offered that this is how it would turn out. Christ had said destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up. Now it had happened.

And of this question of authority? Who has it? Who is calling the shots? Overcoming death and the grave settled that once and for all.

Today
Jesus didn’t hold on to this authority, granted from on high, for himself. Instead, he gave it away to the disciples. It is an authority to cast out that which is unclean, an authority to heal the sick. It is an authority, as disciples of Christ, we claim today.

And what that looks like, in the flesh? We need go no farther than the greatest commandment: to love the lord your God, and to love your neighbor as yourself.

It is a call to care for our neighbors who are:

Women,
Children,
LGBTQ+

Immigrant,
Refugee,
Asylum seeker.

Hungry,
Unhoused,
Poor.

It is a call to care for our neighbors –
who are sick.
who are marginalized.
treated as less than.

And on whose authority do we do all these things?

It is none other than the Lord our God.

If you ever hear the –

Religious elites,
Business types,
Government officials,

try and do anything less than care for our neighbors, no matter who those neighbors may be, take note.

They were in cahoots with each other 2,000 years ago; many are in cahoots still.

They’ll sometimes share this alternate message from the –
Pulpits,
Podiums,
Profit centers –

of our day.

When their messaging says hey, treat certain people as less than, the authority they claim is not aligned with the Divine.

John Cougar Mellencamp, it turns out, was right:

I fight authority, authority always wins.
Well, I fight authority, authority always wins.

May we put away our struggle to control what is not ours.
May we recommit ourselves to care for our neighbor, without exception.
May we live into the authority to go, and to do.

It is an authority we have been granted by our savior, Jesus Christ.

For no other earthly “authority” will do. Amen.

Mending Fences

A few weeks ago our fourth-grade son was called a gay pig. It happened in front of our home. The phrase was spoken by a student he knows from school. My wife and I talked with him about how cruel kids can sometimes be, how sad we were he was being bullied, brainstormed what he might say to the student when they saw each other next.

To be clear the word gay is not a slur. It is a demographic category, akin to describing age, gender, or race. But how it was being used here was intended to cause harm. And that got our attention.

He was called a gay pig again a couple weeks later, this time in writing, with letter placed on our porch, dropped off by the same person. When we saw our son anxiously walking past our windows peering out, worried the student might return, my wife and I knew there was more for us, as parents, to do.

We reached out to his school counselor, sharing our concerns, asking for guidance. The school counselor and principal met with us, listened, gave space to our son to share his story. They assured us school must be a safe place for all.

Most importantly, the school had a plan for what would come next. The parents of the child would be contacted. The student would be brought in for a talk.

The next day the school counselor arranged for our son and the student to meet. From that conversation there was honesty, confession, forgiveness requested, forgiveness received. The process, called a restorative circle is designed to –

Reconcile people,
Repair relationship,
Restore peace.

I can’t tell you how impressed I was with the process used, and the good that came from it. We love our Des Moines public schools.

Hearing about the goals of the restorative circle reminded me an awful lot of what we are called to be about here.

For without the mending of what has been broken, our son’s school community could not be made whole.

Crucial Conversations
For the past two Falls staff here at St. John’s have participated in a book study. Each week we review a chapter and discuss. The goal of these studies is always the same: to learn about ourselves, each other, to better form a team.

Last Fall we read Brene Brown’s business book, Dare to Lead. In it, the sociologist turned author coins a phrase: the stories we tell ourselves. When dealing with another person that rubs us the wrong way, it is human nature to mix facts with our interpretation of those facts. We then use this mixture to create a story about what we think is going on. That story is often untrue.

The fix, Brene suggests, is simple. Go to the other person. Say to them the story I’m telling myself about this conflict between us is this. You’ve done this horrible thing, and here’s why. Does that sound right to you? What might I be missing? Could you help me understand?

Checking the story you tell yourself helps clear up confusion. It makes it possible for people to get on the same page. Once done, healthy relationship can be restored.

This Fall our staff is reading a modern classic, Crucial Conversations: Tools For Talking When Stakes Are High. The authors suggest there are three ways to face crucial conversations when people disagree. We can –

Avoid them,
Face them, and handle them poorly,
Face them, and handle them well.

Said differently we can approach necessary conversations with:

Silence (that’s doing nothing),
Violence (that’s lashing out), or
Honesty.

You get one guess as to which approach works best 😊.

As our team works through the book together – we’re about halfway through – I’ve noticed something. Several times in the past few weeks I’ve heard something akin to this:

I was going to come tell you a problem I’ve been having with someone. But after reading the book I think I’ll go to them first. We need to have a crucial conversation.

Most often that takes care of it. The goal is always the same –

Reconcile people,
Repair relationship,
Restore peace.

Once done all is then well.

For as a staff without the mending of what has been broken, our sense of team would be incomplete.

Then
Long before school counselors and social psychology existed there were people. And whenever two or more gathered there existed the potential for good. And also the potential for conflict. Stories of both ebb and flow throughout our ancient texts. They are a common theme throughout.

Adam and Eve,
Cain and Abel,
Esau and Jacob
David and Saul, even
Jesus and Mary.

Each chose a different approach to dealing with their problems –

Run,
Kill,
Fume,
Battle,
Talk.

Jesus knew the importance of resolving differences. When Christ’s greatest commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself it almost goes without saying: maintaining healthy relationship is pretty much all we’re called to do. Today’s text from Matthew 18:15-20 to the early church offers wisdom on how to go about that well.

If another member of the church wrongs you, point it out to them. Do that one-on-one. Other translations use more familial language.

If a brother wrongs you,
If a sister wrongs you,
If a friend wrongs you –

Aka these are people with whom you are close.

We are to go to them.
We are to talk it out.

If they listen, great!
You have regained a friend.

The goal is always the same –

Reconcile people,
Repair relationship,
Restore peace.

When done consistently it yields a church community coexisting in harmony with itself. And with that, all is as it should be.

If the person doesn’t listen? Jesus lays out next steps.

Bring one or two others.
See if that does the trick.
If not ask for help from the church.

And if none of those things restore relationship, you have at least done your best.

This passage is often interpreted in punitive terms that ultimately exclude people. That understanding largely misses the intent. Biblical scholars disagree about whether Jesus said to treat anyone as a Gentile or a tax collector. That language is likely rhetoric from Matthew, writing to a Jewish audience to drive home a point.

Jesus’s record speaks for itself. Christ aimed for relationship with everyone, no matter who the person, be they Gentile, tax collector, prostitute. He ate, drank, spoke with, prayed with everyone. Jesus commands us to never give up on people, never to stop reaching out to them in love.

Peter, wanting to make sure he’s heard this right, then asks Jesus this question in the very next verse, Matthew 18:21. Lord, Peter asks, if my brother or sister sins against me, how often should I forgive? Seven times? No, Jesus replies. Seventy times seven. In other words, forgive the person as many times as it takes.

Close
When in conflict with another, may we heed the words of Christ.

We are to go to them.
We are to talk it out.

The goal is always the same –

Reconcile people,
Repair relationship,
Restore peace.

For it is only by mending what has been broken, and doing it –

again,
and again,
and again –

that our church, our families, our world can be redeemed. Amen.

Gay Pig

“You look like a gay pig,” our son Graham, age 9 was told, in front of our home.  This happened a few weeks ago, the words spoken by an elementary student he goes to school with.  My wife and I talked with him about how cruel kids can sometimes be, how sad we were he was being bullied, brainstormed what he might say to the student when they saw each other next. After a couple days it seemed like he’d shaken it off.

We figured that was that.

Last weekend, a couple days after school had started, the doorbell rang.  Our daughter looked out, saw the same kid. “Don’t go out there,” she told him. After they’d left our daughter opened the door, looked down, and saw this note.


There the phrase was, again.

You look like a gay pig.

It is cruel.
It is homophobic.
It is a slur meant to harm.

The letter ended with a fake signature of one of Graham’s friends. As best we can tell our son was being targeted, in 4th grade, for having a close male friend.

We tried to soothe him this time as well, tho he was more distraught. Why is this happening to me he wondered? I try to be kind to everyone. I support gay people!

Determined not to let it get to us, my wife put a couple more rainbow flags in our front yard. We talked, lamented the loss of kindness in society, hugged our son tight. What else could we do?

Over the next two days we watched as Graham frequently peered out our front windows, as if looking for something. What are you looking at, buddy, I asked him?  I’m worried they might come back, he replied.

Our son was now having difficulty getting sleep.  My wife and I reached out to his school counselor, sharing our concerns, asking for guidance.

The school counselor and principal were wonderful to work with, listened, gave space for Graham to share his story, ensured us school must be a safe place for all.

Most importantly they had a plan.

Less than an hour after meeting with the school the principal had spoken with the student, and their parent. The next day Graham and the student participated in a restorative circle. It is a process designed to reconcile people, repair broken relationships, restore peace. I can’t tell you how impressed I was to see our public school officials, respond so quickly, so professionally, so well. Because of their efforts Graham is doing much better now. And we are so grateful for that.

People ask me sometimes why our congregation, St. John’s Lutheran Church, Des Moines is looking to become certified as an open and affirming church for LGBTQ+ folk through ReconcilingWorks. There are many reasons; this is one of them. Most churches are either actively hostile to the LGBTQ+ community, or hang ‘all are welcome’ signs without fully embracing all of God’s children. As people of faith we have to be more clear who God is for, who our communities are for, and what that looks like in the flesh.

I am proud of my son, and his bravery.

I am proud of our Des Moines Public Schools, our elementary school, and the gifted principal and counselor who knew just what to do.

But let’s be honest, we got lucky. With a different set of leaders, at a different public school, in a district not as well versed – or interested – in the creating safe spaces for our students, the outcome could have been very different.

Most of all I find myself extremely disappointed in the state of Iowa.  Why? Because our current legislature has passed multiple cruel laws that actively cause harm.

When our children attend public schools here, and can’t learn the basics of human affection, and how to show kindness to others different from you, we can expect more of this. As Iowa public schools ban books with even a hint of gay characters in them, for fear of lawsuits, we lose the opportunity to learn together about our neighbors, about what it is to care for another soul.

Change is possible, and comes through faith communities, school boards, holding elected leaders accountable. It will take rallies, marches, petitions, difficult conversations. The values of kindness, caring, empathy and community are all on the ballot, each and every year. Iowa nice doesn’t have to be a thing of the past. But it does require your vote.