I lay there, wide awake, suddenly aware of any sound that dare pierce the darkness. The breath of my wife was barely audible; she inhaled, exhaled, inhaled again. The creak of heating ducts, circulating warmth into the night air. The quiet night breeze, meandering through trees right outside. The gentle whisper of bed linens rustling, ever-so-slightly, under the vibration of anything that moved.

I wondered what it was, this time, that had roused me. Was it one of the kids, in the room, also unable to sleep? Usually they went to Kathi first. Was it a deer outside our window, newly discovered by the family dog, excitedly barking her alarm?

Slowly realizing there was no external source to point to, my thoughts shifted inward. Normally a deep sleeper, usually it takes a mountain of noise to rouse me. And yet here I lay, in an otherwise near-silent home, now wide awake.

Insomnia.

I hate it when this happens. Fully conscious when I should be deep in slumber. REM cycle now interrupted for who knows how long. There would be no dream state forthcoming anytime soon.

Now to figure out what to do.
In the past I’d tried all sorts of possible cures.

Counting sheep.
Melatonin.
Reading.

Sometimes they work, sometimes not.

Prayer.
Scripture.
Prescription pills.

Each had been attempted, to varying degrees of success.

Facebook.
Candy Crush.
The New York Times.

My cell phone’s blue LED light blinked on the nightstand.
Reminding me that these were options too.

Once, a decade ago, insomnia had been a near-constant companion for months. Fortunately, those days have passed.

But still, I was reminded what was at stake. Insomnia, left unaddressed, had been rough.

I’d beat myself up over it before.
I was determined not to do that again.

Lent
We look to improve what lies deep within in myriads of ways. This time of year especially. The Lenten season we find ourselves in is a time for introspection, reflection, sacrifice. In these forty days we walk, symbolically, alongside Christ, perhaps more intentionally than usual. Hoping to change our ways, to be more like him.

The kickoff to Lent reminds me of New Year’s Day. We love to make deals with ourselves to improve. So we commit to doing more of something, or less, or doing it differently. In the hopes of bettering ourselves, helping others, enhancing the world.

They are high ideals we strive for.

And let’s be honest, you’ve got better odds of making a meaningful life change over 40 days then you do over 365 ?

Culturally we’ve engaged in these sacrificial acts over Lent for centuries. Often we give up chocolate. It’s a reminder that living in the wilderness, awash in temptation, for 40 days, is anything but sweet.

A 2019 study reported on in The Atlantic found that, among those giving something up, the most common sacrifices for Lent are social media (21%), alcohol (18%), chocolate or sweets (13%), and soda or coffee (11%).

It’s fair to say that each of those, in excess, just aren’t good for us.

In modernity Lenten sacrificial practices can be just about anything. I asked Facebook friends what they’re doing to commemorate the season, and each response was different from the next. Of course anyone that’s given up social media wouldn’t have been able to reply to the query, so there’s that ?

Among people that shared their stories some are spending their Lent listening, reading, reflecting. Steph started listening to the Bible in a Year podcast. Jo is reading the Poetry of Lent by Mary Oliver. Ryan – that’s a seminary friend, not me – is watching The Good Place tv series, while contemplating his mortality.

Others observe the season with improving themselves by doing. Lindsay gave up take-out food, adding oatmeal for breakfast. Carolynn is looking to live more simply, sorting one box of papers per day, with the hopes of rising to new levels of simply living by Easter. Kathy is encouraging her congregation to add one thing to their lives that brings them joy – the fasting this year is from isolation itself.

Maryanne remembers as a child her mother would always give up smoking for Lent. But just at work. Every day she’d come home and fire one up.

Others observe the season by doing for others. Kate started donating blood. Laura is walking 40 miles in 40 days, and getting rid of 40 items, with proceeds benefiting the ELCA World Hunger program.

The Weber family is adding in a practice by using a Lenten Kindness calendar. Each night they gather together for the provided reading and plan out how to complete the next day’s kindness challenge. I absolutely love that.

Jonathan is doing a bit of everything, including:
• Giving up drinking alone (to enjoy, not need)
• Giving up watching The Office (to not get addicted to escapism)
• Donating to charity
• Taking the Confirmation kids on a service project to the food pantry
• Nixing fast food on Fridays (to remember Christ’s sacrifice), and
• Being more intentional with prayer and meditation
That’s a long list Jon! Make sure you spend some time sleeping too. It really is important. ?

During our Ash Wednesday service a few days ago Pastor Bryan mentioned it seemed like we’ve been in Lent for the past year.

Dude, I hear you.
Couldn’t agree more.

So if you’re not doing much of anything different for Lent this year, because of the extended season of sacrifice we find ourselves in, you’ve got company.

And that is 100% entirely A-OK.

Claimed
Today’s text from Mark 1 is a familiar one. In it we have water, baptism, heavens torn apart. We have wilderness, temptation, wild beasts. We have a dove, Satan himself, angels. We have good news, beginning to be proclaimed.

This passage seemingly has it all.

Yet this year I found myself drawn to one part of it more than any other.

The voice from heaven.
The voice of God.
Calling down.

Making a bold claim.

You are mine, God tells Jesus.
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With you I am well pleased.

And with that affirmation from Dad, Jesus enters the wilderness. Ready to face temptation. With the Holy Spirit by his side, guiding him though. All the way thorough Christ’s ministry, life, death, resurrection, ascent.

Making it possible that we, too, can be called children of the most high God. Beloved by our Creator. No matter what our backstory of successes and failures may or may not be.

Backstory
Often in Lent there’s this seeming subtext of self-loathing. Or at least the possibility of it. With our commitments to do differently we admit that what we’ve done, to date, isn’t always that great.

Giving up social media suggests how we use it has a downside.
Drinking less suggests perhaps we’re drinking more than we should.
Eating differently means we may not be currently eating well.
Organizing more an indication we’ve been organized less than is ideal.
Trying to solve sleep problems a confession there’s a problem to solve.

In those admissions we run the risk of feeling bad about our current reality. To the point of beating ourselves up, about where we find ourselves, more than we should.

And in even trying, we run the risk of not succeeding, as thoroughly or as well as we’d hoped. Which could lead to beating ourselves up, over the next failure, once again. So before getting too far down that particular rabbit hole, consider this:

That voice from the heavens still calls down.
Remember your baptism, the voice whispers.
In that moment I made a claim, the voice reminds.

Just as Jesus is –

You too are mine, God tells us.
You too are beloved.
From the very beginning to the very end.

You have been grafted into my family, God continues.

One with the Designer of all that is,
One with a Son who loves without limit.
One with a Spirit present, nudging, guiding you –

Every step of the way.

Sure, I want more for you, God shares.
Any good parent always does.

But my love for you isn’t in your doing, or not doing.
It’s in your being, simply being;
Being a part of me, a part of it all.

And nothing –
No ifs ands or buts,
Can separate you from that love.

So keep up with your doing,
Or not doing,
This pandemic has been hard.

Keep on trying to find balance with what you consume,
So ultimately you don’t become consumed with it yourself.

Keep on seeking joy in what you already have,
Realizing, through me, what you have is enough.

Keep on hoping for that full night of sleep,
Knowing in me you’ll find rest for the rest.

Keep on with your reading, meditating, prayer,
For you’ll find me there as well.

There’s going to be wilderness,
And that wilderness can be hard,
Yet it’s an essential part of what makes us alive.

We exist to help realize that part of your prayer, Lord,
that life on earth,
better mirror life in heaven.

Until then –
Just as Jesus wasn’t alone in the wilderness, neither are we.

Just look around.
And remember.
You are God’s own.

We share this reality.
We share this wilderness.
We share in it, together.

Each of us a unique part of the whole,
Each of us impossible to replace.

Most importantly remember this.
You are loved. As you are. In this very moment.
By the source of all that is.

And nothing can separate you,
now and forever more,
from that.
Amen.